[Laughter] Alright, let me tell you why I admire Donald Trump. Donald, are you there? I mean, Mr. Trump… I shouldn't… Hi Howard. Mr. Trump. Anybody who acquires that much wealth should be called Mr. Trump. I see. Well, you got a mister in front of you now. You damn right. I respect that, right off the bat I respect that. I respect anybody who can acquire that kind of wealth and maintain it. Oh, and you can't call him Donald and respect him? No. Mr. Trump. You can call me Donald and I tell you it's been a lot of fun. I'm not comfortable calling you Donald, all right? Let me tell you why I admire you, you've done something -- Again you've impressed me. So how did he impress you this time? All right. So I'm watching tv, and as you know Mr. Trump bought two beauty pageants. He purchased -- And at first I said, why would somebody buy beauty pageants? The second he buys them they become a big deal. He bought this Miss -- What, Universe? Miss Universe. And Miss USA pageant. Right. Now, the Miss Universe it turns out, the woman won last year blows up to a fat pig. I mean like, obese. Now, most people would've fired her. Well, people are calling for her to be fired. Because she -- but because she was obese. Mr. Trump goes in there and he says, look, and he says, listen you pulled him aside he says, I'm not going to fire you but you better -- you better get skinny. You better lose some weight what the he -- It's almost a fraud here. You pass yourself off, for one year you keep yourself under control. Learn to diet and you -- Isn't their clauses that she can only gain so much weight? More or less, yes. You whip this fat slob into shape. I don't know how you did it. I see all these diet plans, everything else. God bless you. You whipped her into shape and you hold the whole pageant together. Congratulations. Well, that was an amazing one. How did you whip her into shape? She was from one 118 to almost 170. Yeah. And you got her right down again to 118, didn't you? Well, she's going to be there. She is probably 145 or something. Wow. How -- What did you do? What did you -- threaten? I mean, how do you do that? You make her walk from Venezuela? [Inaudible] Well, you know we had a lot of pressure. I got to say something, when my wife gave birth, took her two years to lose the goddamn fat. I should have sent you in there. Your wife is beautiful. Beautiful, yeah. Your wife -- your wife is a winner and your wife is beautiful. It took my wife -- Listen, she looks good now because I got her out there jogging and I got to go on -- But you said it like Donald Trump. I am. I said you know, I said, You're married to a guy who's doing a movie. What are you, a slob? Why don't you -- Won't you want to present yourself nice? And she whips herself into shape. And believe me, I threatened her, I said, you want to end up like Ivana? Oh. I said, pull yourself together. And she did, you saw her at the birthday show. She looks terrific She looks great. She never looked better, Howard. Right, exactly. So, seriously, how did you whipped this gargantuan woman into shape? Well, you know it's an amazing phenomenon. She weighed 118 -- Right. When she won. I don't know if you saw the contest last year, it was from Las Vegas. She was beautiful. She won -- She's the beautiful a woman as I've ever seen. She looks like Cindy Crawford. Right. She gained about 55 lbs in a period of nine months. How did she do that? She was like an eating machine. What does a girl eat to gain -- I mean, in less than a year to gain -- She must never stop. I mean, did she -- where did she -- I think she ate a lot of everything. Oh, my -- I mean, her bowel movements, how many does she have a day? Terminate her crown. You know her -- her Miss Universe rights. Now, you were smart, you turned it into a -- you turned it into an event, you said, listen -- It has become a major event. Yeah, now everybody can't wait to see what she looks like on pageant night. Right. Will you keep her under wraps until pageant? No. Actually, she's going to be on tonight. I'm in Louisiana today because they have the Miss USA pageant, which is turned into a big deal. Now your beautiful wife Marla Maples Trump, who is so beautiful, so much more beautiful than your first wife. What a smart move trading up like that. I swear to God, the other one was a real pain in the ass. You cut your losses, I admire that so much. And now you have Marla Maples Trump, she will host the Miss USA pageant. That's right? She's hosting it tonight with George Hamilton, it's on CBS. George Hamilton, that loser? You know what, Howard? He's amazing, I just saw -- He tan. The tan looks great and he's great at what he does. Really? What did he do. He tanned. You watch it tonight and you'll see, he's great. Really? Well, as long as your wife -- What is your wife gonna be wearing? Something plunging? Very plungy. Oh, what she looks like. Oh, my God. Did she have work on -- She looks better than when you married her. She actually does, I would say. She does. She doesn't have any work, does she? No work. Zero work. Really. Nice to have a woman to done any work. Donald made her blossom. Yeah, I mean, what a bottom her, huh? Well, you watch tonight, you'll see. What's it like when you lay done with her? Tell me, tell me what it's like. Donald's blushing. You make him blush. He ain't blushing, he loves this. What it's like when you lay down with -- It's 6:20 in the morning in Louisiana, I'm just thinking about this. How many outfit changes will she have? How many what? How many outfit changes? I think she probably has three or four. I knew it was very funny cause last night, late, you know they were rehearsing, 51 girls represent each state, and the District of Columbia and I was absolutely there and I've never seen so many unbelievably beautiful girls. I bet a few of these broads come onto you too. What do you do? What do you do? Is it tough to stay away from -- It's a tough business. You know it's a tough world. Sure is. I said to a friend of mine as I walk into this room and you're mobbed by all these incredible girls, I said, you know somebody has to do this, it might as well be me cause it is really amazing, so beautiful these girls. I am so horny, I swear to God I'd like to take a few of those girls home with me. Oh, my God. Your wife, oh, boy. Is she aggressive? A little bit, a little bit. Yeah? That's what I like. I like an aggressive woman. I said to my wife yesterday, said, I wanna come home, I want you to pull my -- Listen to this, I say to my wife, and listen it's 20 years I'm trying to keep the marriage going, keep it alive, listen, you do your best. I come home, I said, listen, when I come home today, right, listen to this, I pull my pants down -- No, she said, I can do that. Yeah, then she said, I can do that. Guess what happened when I got home. What? Nothing. Nothing. I tell you, I'm wanna watch this Ms. USA pageant cause I -- Well, I hope. You know, speaking of your wife, I was at the opening of Chicago, which was terrific, about a few months ago and I was with a group of people and one of the people pointed your wife, I had no idea who she was, said, there is a beautiful woman, okay. Really? Now I looked over and it was your wife. Is that right? But I thought it was interesting. You're very lucky, Howard. You are very lucky. No, I am lucky. But you know, you are around these beautiful women at this USA pageant, it's tempting ain't it? This is wild. I've never seen anything like it. Doesn't matter how much money you have, he's in the same circle. You know we have Miss Universe coming up in May and that's all over the world. And in fact, if you'd like to be a judge -- Where? At the Miss Universe. It's probably in Miami Beach. No kidding. Because she had various venues right now. But it's in the middle of May. And if you'd like to be a judge you would see something that would be unbelievable. Why don't you become a judge? Because you know what would happen to me? If I become a judge, listen to this, If I become a judge, my wife will go, Oh, can I go to Miami [Inaudible]? Bring your wife. No. Why not? That's it. I wanna go down there, be single. You can always tell her you're working. Yeah, she'll fall for that. The offer's open to you to be a judge, Howard. Really? Yeah. And you'll see something like you've -- You know what, Robin, he will see something like even he has never seen before. Oh, yes? Snapping jiroh? Snapping jiroh? Yeah, they don't have that. Hey, listen, tonight, everyone watch Marla Maples Trump as she hosts the Miss USA pageant, she's gonna be wearing several plunging necklines. It's nice to tune in and see what Donald's doing that night, right? That's tonight. They have to watch closely. Even though George Hamilton will be there, we'll excuse that. I tell you what, he does look terrific. He looks terrific because that guy does nothing all day. Now, Dominick got in trouble when I went over to your birthday, I heard Dominick said I had a problem regarding trouble -- everyone was telling me. Please, don't even bring it up. What happened? What are you doing, associating with that -- I don't know, he's the one, he kept calling me. You gotta come, you gotta come. It's Howard's birthday, you gotta come, and you know, I went over but I heard Dominique's sort of got in trouble with your producer. No, don't even bring it up. It's water -- He's all right. He's okay, he's a good ol' boy. He -- I'd rather know him than George Hamilton. George Hamilton is a tan vampire. You hang out with that guy? I don't really hang out. I never met him until last night, actually. I tell you what, I was really -- He was friends with Imelda Marcos, you know. That's true. That worked very much to his advantage. Sure did. From what I understand. The Filipino people didn't like it, but what are you're gonna do? I would say the Filipinos who are really too hot on that idea. Yeah, how do you like O.J. finally got his, huh? We'll, you know, it's unbelievable that that took so long. Yeah, I mean, can you imagine, what was the decision? I think you had to stay in there long time just to keep, you know, everybody -- all the races happy and make it look like some deliberating was going on, do you understand? It was -- it was -- you know, You could make the case of double jeopardy, isn't this double jeopardy, but the attitude is, who cares? Well, yeah. What are we gonna do anyway? Listen, all I know is tonight we will be relaxing, I will probably be nude as I watch Miss USA. I have no problem telling you that it would probably be a three-tissue-night. Oh, stop. I hear these many beautiful women in this. I recommend all my male listeners lay in front of the tv nude, and pleasure themselves to the Miss USA pageant. And even I don't think Donald will mind if you like Marla Maples Trump. Now, one of the stipulations in the Miss USA pageant, what kind of suits are we talking about? Well, you know, and I got myself into a little bit of a problem, they said, how are you gonna change the pageant because I bought it from ITT, you know the term is ITT, that's now under siege. Right. I bought it a few months ago from ITT and so somebody called up from Reader's Digest and they said, what change is he gonna make to bring it up. I said, well, you know cause it gives huge ratings, they've always gotten great ratings. And I said, well, the primary change is, I'm gonna get the bathing suits to be smaller and the heels to be higher. Nice. And we're gonna bring it in. And a lot of people wanted to see it sort of, updated, so we're gonna update it. Oh, you are -- there are gonna be smaller bathing suits? Very tiny. [With Howard Stern] Woah. And by the time I get it, you know, by the time I have it for a year, forget it. Oh, I like that. It's a little gradual. [Inaudible] It's a way to convince nude pageants. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you something, you're on the right track, you know what the people want. They want smaller swimsuits, and I am not kidding you, I will watch the pageant, legs akimbo, nude, with my tissues, I will pleasure myself. And I promise not to finish during your wife's performance, you understand that, out of respect to you. And congratulations on another great acquisition, the Miss USA pageant tonight on CBS tonight at 9 pm Eastern. It will be a lot of fun, Howard. All right. We'll all tune in. You take care. All right. Thanks, Donald. And Robin, take care of yourself. I'll try. So long. Bye bye. And remember, send cash. Thank you. Okay, you have a deal. Okay. Thanks. So long. Very smart. You heard what he said, he gonna make the swimsuits smaller. That's what I would do. I am shocked.