There's somebody on the phone I want to thank personally for being very nice and giving me that picture for the back of my book, which was taken at his wedding. Me and O.J. It's, uh, Donald Trump, the famous developer and former presidential candidate himself. Howard. Hey Donald. How you doing? How are you? I'm good. I mean Mr. Trump. Excuse me. What's going on? First of all, thanks for giving me that picture up on the back of the book. Aw, that's great. Which was weird, because you know what? I forgot that I had, you know, I didn't even realize that I took a picture with, you know, O.J. Simpson at your wedding. Well, I know how much you like O.J. and I know how, how innocent you feel he is. [Laughing] Yeah. And because, you know, don't forget, there wasn't that much blood found in the Jeep. There was only about 50 drops. Yeah, that's not, that's not that much. That could... Yeah, it's a pretty sad deal, I'll tell you. That could have been planted somehow. Yeah it could have been. Fifty different people could have planted it. Yeah. Unbelievable. I don't think the LAPD is that smart. Hey, you know I was talking with Robin about this Colin Powell thing, right? Right. And, remember when your... your first book came out? Right. Like, remember everyone was saying you were run for president? It's uh, it's amazing. It's like a, it's like a hype, right? You weren't going to run for president. I never even had a... I made a speech. Right. And I made it for a friend, and perhaps it was a decent speech, and all of a sudden everyone said I was a presidential candidate. Showed you had hard up they were. One good speech and you're president. Yeah, and then of course with your book coming out it got you tons of national publicity right? And it sold the book. But, you know ,when you look at what's happening now, it's so sad. When you look at what Japan is doing, when you look at this whole fiasco with the cars. We had 'em. Finally we had 'em. And all of a sudden America backs down again. You know, there's so much, there's so much to be left. There's so much to be done. Now this is a speech, Donald. Hey, there you go, I'll vote for you. I, I just... You know what's really funny about me? I don't even know what Donald's talking about? I don't even know what happened in Japan. That's how out of it I am. I'm so busy selling the book. You're probably better off. [Laughs] Yeah. You can remain [Inaudible]. And by the way... Hi Robin. Donald, I don't... I don't know if you know this, Ivana is running for Senate. Did you hear? No, I haven't. Yeah, she just announced. Oh, well that's good. She thinks it will help us more jewelry. You know, I'll tell you, that's good. I'd vote for her. I bet you would. You know she was on Conan last night. It's amazing how, you know, if you marry Donald Trump it's amazing how long you're own thing can go. Will you marry me Donald? I would marry you and I am a great... I love creating stars. He does. He really does. I love creating stars. You know, you marry, you star, but... I've said it a bunch of times and Donald's not looking to mix it up with Ivana. She's the mother of his children and everything like that. But at the same point, you do have to kind of laugh that Ivana is still Ivana Trump. She wouldn't even marry that other guy. Losing that name would... No, she, she backed out of that one. How great would that be? How great would that be? I'm sure he's a very nice guy, but she backed out of that one. I'll bet you a billion dollars, which you have and I don't, but I bet you a billion dollars that if Ivana married that other guy, she would have kept the name Ivana Trump. Well, she said she was going to get rid of the name Trump but for some reason that never happened. Yeah, I wonder what reason? Very difficult Like every once in a while I'll ask her: "What happened?"" That's all right. She's all right." Hey look, you're getting along... She's a lot of fun. She's selling a lot of jewelry. That's right. She's selling some things on whatever the hell that station is? Yeah, right. That's always a great way to make a living. She's got a gut now... She's in there... I'll say this. She's in there pitching. A lot of people sort of hang it up. She's in there pitching. Hey listen, in fact, I just bought a beer stein from her. Oh really? Good. An Ivana Trump beer stein. How is your book doing? My book's doing very well, and I never gave you this prediction. Had Ivana married that other guy? Right. I bet that guy would have taken the Trump name. There would have been another Trump. Antonio Trump or whatever. Yeah, that's a major bust. I don't think it would be beyond him. The book is doing very well. It is the fastest selling book in the history of books. How is it going compared to your first book? It's outselling my first book. I was surprised by the cover. I mean, I don't see that as you. Well, t's me. I don't see that as you. I, you know, I'm your big fan. I was on television the other day, and Do you... I made the mistake of saying "How's Howard"" I was on E!. I don't know Right. And people around me went nuts. Some loved it. Some hated it. I mean, there was no... nobody... nothing in the middle Howard. A lot of men don't like to cover my book because, Donald, they find themselves attracted to me. Well, you certainly look very attractive. Yeah. That's... And it certainly is very different. I didn't choose... I didn't choose the picture because it looked attractive. I thought it looked like an evil clown. Well it's interesting. Well, look, you told me it's selling fast. Yeah. I don't know of it would have been my choice for a picture, necessarily. I don't think I would have the courage personally. But it's selling, if you tell me it's the fastest selling book, you made the right choice. That's all. And, uh, It's perfect. Now listen, the reason Donald Trump is calling in, not to congratulate me on my book, but he is the grand marshal of the nat... You get into some weird stuff. Oh, it's, it's wild. I don't know....I don't know what this is. You're the grand marshal of the Nation's Parade. It is... now what I know about it. It's the closing ceremony of the four-year long program honoring the 50th anniversary of the end of World War II. Correct. Now. Wow. How'd you get to be the Grand Marshall? Well, it seems that they went to numerous corporate people in America and a lot of people didn't step up to the plate. You did. And I've, I've been involved very strongly with the Vietnam Veterans, and I guess to a certain... By the way Donald Trump is a Vietnam veteran, and served in that war and, uh... I did? I was gonna say, wait a minute? I don't remember... And personally killed... personally wiped out three villages and killed like 50 gooks. Himself. Oh boy. Howard... You got how many kills? Howard, you'll never change. How many kills you got Donald? How many kills? Brag a little. Come on. Kills, well they're usually kills from you know, like New York business vicinity. Yeah, but you've killed your, you've killed your share, right? I guess I've thought about it. Anyway... That's right. And let me tell you something. Even, all the businesses Donald Trump own you never held a grudge. You would even employ the Vietnamese. I will absolutely. No question of that. He would. He does. Very big of you. Even though... It might not be too easy. Right. But, you know, during the Vietnam War, I got very lucky. I had a very high lottery number. Yes, you and Jackie the Joke Man. Jackie, did get lucky also? Yeah, he had that... We were watching the same television set many years ago. Jackie actually convinced the doctor that he had a bad knee. I love that. Well, that was a good job Jackie. But... Thank you Donald. But I've always felt a little bit guilty, but I help a lot, I guess, the Vietnam Vets. And there's, nobody is thankful of them, Howard. It's been interesting. Because, you know, you do so get to so many charities and everything. And... Right. And about 15 seconds after it's over, they forget. The Vietnam vets have never forgotten. Now I see, I see that other people are involved in the you. Ed Asner, Red Buttons, Ossie Davis, James Garner ...I write about him in my book. I call... what do I call him? I don't even remember. I... I... so many vicious things I call him. Why? You don't like James Garner? He's an animal. Is he really? He's an animal. Don't talk to him. Really. No, he sounds like... I always thought he was a good guy. I'll... I'll read you what I wrote about it. Does anybody have a copy of the book? [Inaudible] thank you Jackie. Poor James Garner. He needs this right? All over the Nation's Day Parade, this is what he gets. Well, here, wait, I'll tell you what I wrote. Tell me if you think it was too harsh. Go ahead. Now here's what James Garner said about me. He said "Howard Stern is the epitome of trailer trash. He is absolute slime. Every time I see him Well, I would say that that's not very nice. Now, you want to know what I said? Oh, I can imagine. I took the high road. [Laughs] No I really did. The high road on the low road? I'm sure you took the high road. Nobody takes the high road. I did. I said I can't believe this guy wants to go to war with me. He should be busy worrying if he's going to have a solid bowel movement. And that was the end of it. I mean that is the high road for me. Now, am I supposed to give you, give him your regards when I see him? Please do. No... No harm no foul. Okay, so now we've got Jamie Garner totally destroyed over this parade, Robin. Now that he's got... I know. I don't know how you're going to handle that. Who else does Howard dislike? Yeah right, out of the celebrities, who else does Howard dislike? No, Donald... Is Kathie Lee Gifford going to be there? Oh, Kathie Lee Gifford. You know what, can I tell you? On that one. I know her, well, she's really nice Howard. I bet she is. No, I'm telling you. Let me read to you what I wrote about Kathie Lee. Oh no. Let me read to you what I wrote about Kathie Lee. No, she's great. Go ahead. On the first page of the book, I call her the C word. No, you know what, a woman from Entertainment Tonight asked me last night. She said to me, is there anyone you really hate? Like Kathie Lee Gifford. I said, I don't hate Kathie Lee Gifford. I don't hate her, but she is everything that is wrong with show business. You really believe that? Yes, she is the epitome of this vapid sort of, oh, you know, like, the other day they had her on the cover of USA Today hugging a black baby, and with a big smile on her.... I don't know, she's the epitome of every sort of, she's almost like a presidential candidate. She doesn't really say anything to offend anyone. She's milquetoast. Everything is beautiful. My son watches Bible tapes. I'm raising him to be, I don't know what she's raising him to be. I only hope that kid grows up, you know, to be an alcoholic, so I can say, look Kathie Lee didn't do such a good job. Well, I don't know, I don't know James Garner, so I can't disagree. But I'll tell you what, on Kathie Lee, who I know, and Frank... You do know Frank? He's absolutely a great guy. Well, Frank I write beautiful things about. You know what I'd... I know, I can imagine. But I would, I would love... I'm gonna set up a lunch for you, Frank and Kathie. This is a good story. That would be the art of the deal, Donald. You can [Inaudible] Now let me ask you this, okay... If you could do that, you should do it, you should do it at Trump Plaza... and... it's no longer Trump Plaza. You should do it at the Taj Mahal, and we'll make it a pay-per-view special. Let me ask you. Would you show for that kind of a lunch? Let's say, we had Kathie Lee and Frank. Would you be there? I don't think I'm that brave. You know, listen. They're really good people. I'm a really good guy who I appreciate you doing this for all us vets. I'm a guy who was in the jungles of Vietnam and I did three tours of duty, and I'm going to tell you something: I was less scared being in Vietnam than I was thinking of the idea of sitting down to lunch with Kathie Lee and Frank. Ah Jeez. I got to tell you I got you something. I have to change your mind on those two. Let me tell you something: bringing peace to Beirut would be easier. You go to Dayton and talk to those people about Bosnia. Yeah. I can do that if you want to... if you want me sitting down doing that. I mean, first of all, she would never sit down with me, number one. She... I'm saying that Donald should try to make it happen. I don't think... Okay, let's say, Robin, let's say I made it happen. Let's say, just by luck I made it happen. Okay. Would Howard be there? No. I don't think he can take it. I think he'd like him. If you got to know him, you'd like him, I'm telling you. I think I'd rather... I don't say this about a lot of people, Howard, hey Howard, I'm almost as sick as you. Let me tell you something. Manson... I dislike people by the dozen. This is a good women and he's a, he's an unbelievable guy. I mean, it's really a nice family. Manson before Kathie Lee. I would rather sit down with him. Wow. I will send Robin, who I've changed her name to Robine... No no no no no..... She is the great peacemaker. Robin, we'll do this as a first step. Yeah, let Robin meet with them and we'll go... I've got to listen to to all the things they have to say about what you said about them? Well, listen, you're no innocent yourself. I don't know. I'm gonna, we'll work on Howard. Well, listen. Donald Trump will be the grand marshal of the Nation's Parade. Now, I assume that this is going to happen somewhere. This is happening in New York on the 11 o'clock on Saturday. it's up 5th Avenue... Oh... You're gonna close down 5th Avenue? I know, can you imagine? Oh, for God's sake... At least... at least it's a Saturday. Anyway, it's 11 o'clock on Saturday up 5th Avenue, it starts around 42nd, 43rd street and it goes all the way up towards the 80s and it will... Will there be floats? There will be a few floats. But... Now as grand marshall... ...but there's gonna be... there's over 110,000 people. It's gonna be the largest parade in the history of New York City from what they tell me. Will there be an underdog float? Uh... I love Underdog. Underdog, over dog. Wait a minute, no. I want to know as grand marshal, is there are special costume? Ooh, you gonna be one of those goofy hats? Well, I'm supposed to wear short shorts. I think, one of those little things that you put over your breasts? Yeah, like a breastplate. You know, like... that the women wear during the cheerleading sessions. What are you going to wear? You going to have a big... I have... I have no idea. I'm just gonna walk down the parade because, you know, they are really incredible people. But let me ask you a question. What? It is a good cause and everything and we should honor the Vietnam vets. Well this isn't only the Vietnam vets. This is really the World War II vets. Right. It's all vets. As far as I'm concerned, it's all vets. So the point is: if they hand you a giant hat with a fez on top of it... Right. Like you're the grand poobah. And the horns. And the horns on it. Will you wear it? I'll wear anything they want me to wear. You really will? 110,000 soldiers. That's fantastic. The Joint Chiefs of Staff. I mean... You know what, you know what you ought to do? This is great. You want to have fun? Go ahead. You set off a few firecrackers and watch the vets... the vets will go bonkers. And watch everyone run? Everyone will get a flashback. It's gonna be giant flashback. These guys, I'll tell you what. These are brave guys. These are the bravest guys. A lot braver than me. Let me tell you something. I served alongside these kind of men, and I'm going to tell you something. They deserve to be honored. A lot of them... hey listen. I served with guys who... You could be there since you're a vet. A lot of guys who served boats during Vietnam, they never saw any action. Right. But I'm going to tell you something. I'm talking about the grunts now, the guys who were in there, in the jungle. On the ground. Taking fire. Not on a boat sitting and painting the cabin. I'm talking about... these are the bravest men alive today. I agree with you Howard. And I can't believe it. I agree. So are you going to march? I cannot. I'm out promoting my book. Forget the book. Forget it. It's gonna be the number one bestseller. Is it number one yet? Well, I think it will debut at number one. I mean even if you only had, you know, when my book first came out, it it also went to number one. But the problem was, the first week, it was only out for two out of seven days. Right. So you're probably out for two or three out of seven days. That's all. You've got to hit number one even in two days. Well, I certainly hope so. I think you will. How did the O.J. picture work out? Well, take a look at the back of the cover. I mean everyone is reacting to it. And in fact, that was a guy who wrote me that, in fact he was on a train, he had just bought the book. He was reading the book, and he didn't realize there were black people sitting across from him on the train looking at the back of the book, and they started... they started yelling at him. Tell him though what it says across the picture. Howard Stern, getting... then it says, "Getting Away With Murder.""" Oh, wow. With me and O.J. It's like a phony book cover. So if you don't like the picture of me, you can make that your book cover. Alright, that's, that's... It's very inventive. Well, the whole thing is just terrible. Well, yes it was. Does it get worse? Will O.J. be at the grand... at the national? No I don't think so. You don't think so. No, I have a feeling probably not. I have a feeling he won't be. You know it's funny. I can't believe O.J. did to his wife what I did to so many Vietcong. And, you know... You know, It is amazing you get away with it Howard. You're the only one. You're the only one. I sit here and listen. Listen, Donald... Every time I call Howard I get in trouble and all I do is listen Robin. And they say... Who do you get into trouble with? ...where I was a part... Listen... hey Robin, I was part of a conversation. That's right I listen. I didn't fight him. Oy, yoi yoi.. Donald, no, I think it's admirable that you are part of this parade. Right. I'd be honored if you would wear my gook testicle necklace that I made while I was in Vietnam. Oy yoi yoi. If you would wear it. But I want to say something that it is important to remember all the vets. I happen to agree with you. That is true. And I think it's admirable that you are there, and you're not just, you know, busy with your life like I am and ignore them. And, and Donald can't wear that necklace Howard, because that would mean you were engaged or something. No, I don't think so. Robin, now you're... why don't you march Robin? C'mon. Robin, I'm surprised you [Inaudible] Where am I this Saturday Howard? You're horseback riding. She has a horseback riding lesson. Oh, forget it. I don't believe in horseback riding. No in all seriousness, can I say... They're too strong... They're too strong and too big Robin. They're too strong and too big Robin. That's true, they are big and strong. I'm not saying this to protect Robin's image, but on Saturday you know Robin volunteers at a AIDS, babies with AIDS crack den. That's good. You know what... Seriously she does. And I know that she has that commitment and she doesn't like to talk about it on the air. How's she doing with her new boyfriend? You were talking about her new boyfriend, that you were late for dinner like an hour and a half late for the poor guy, Robin. And I never heard the ending to this. Did you ever go out with him? We are going to get together. You mean you still haven't? That was like four weeks ago. Well, you know, there were a lot of traveling involved. C'mon Robin. He sounds like a nice guy. Actually, he called me. He heard Robin yelling at me this morning and he said he wants to cancel the date. He got scared off. The guy waited an hour and a half. She never showed up. Robin you really have to give him a shot. It was not Robin's fault showing up late. It was his fault. You know what Howard? You're just being too nice. You don't have to make excuses for me. It was an accident. Forget about it. There's no way to make up for... Yes. Absolutely. You... No... It was not your fault. They didn't tell you what time... There's no way to make up for what you wrote in black and white Howard. So, that's it. That's done. I see. I offer no apologies. The thing that I'm insulted about... But Robin doesn't like what I wrote about her in my new book. But I will... The reason I am insulted by this... See he always manages now to find a way to... Donald, can I tell you why I am insulted? Go ahead. Because Robin will not allow me to tell you why. Because that she would even think I have a vicious bone in my body toward her. Right That she would think that I somehow have ill feelings toward her, hurts me so much so greatly that I can't even.. I can barely talk to you. Well, you know, we're both... we're both having problems, aren't we? Yes. I'm not really talking to you, and you're not really talking to me. Now Robin, seriously... he wrote something offensive to you? Yes, Robin did not like what I wrote. I can't believe it. That's... Well, I... maybe it's my ineffectiveness as a writer, but I meant some very nice things about Robin, but she has taken umbrage with. Uh oh. I think Robin's probably right too. Yeah. You would think... Hey Robin, I'm gonna try... You would think I was [Inaudible] That's right. That's right. You know how it is. Well, every once in a while it's a little tough... I mean today's been a rough day for me and Robin. In fact, today I had to call O.J.'s and ask him to be my co-host, because it would have been easier going. Robin, I can't believe this. I can't believe it either. So what is Ivana selling on...Hey, let me ask you something, Donald. Do you ever secretly tune in QVC and watch Ivana sell that jewelry? You know, I did. I did actually last week. The Home Shopping Channel. I did last week and I watched her for about a minute and a half. And what happened? You threw up? No... Oh c'mon man, Isn't it kind of tacky? It is kind of tacky. You know... I kind of respect... somebody else would have said [Inaudible], take the money. She took money and she still continues to work, okay? Most people would have taken the money and not worked. And gone home, yeah. So, you have to, you know, to me, I respect that quality. But it is a little tacky. I'd say, well... And what about her advice... she has an advice column in The Globe. She can't give that up. That one is tacky. I think it's okay if you sell something on home shopping whatever, but the Globe and the advice column, I think she could have done without that. Yeah, you're not kidding. As a matter of fact, she couldn't hold on to a great guy like you, so what kind of advice can she give to me? Well, I wasn't that easy though, Howard. It wasn't a picnic. Aw, c'mon. She didn't have a picnic. Oh, yes she did. But what kind of advice can she give... Although she had an economic picnic. That's right. But in every other way, probably not the greatest. And she is selling everything. I tune in the other night, I didn't even tell Robin this. I don't know if you saw it. She was selling a hologram of Donald on the toilet. Oh no. I swear to you. I'm not surprised. You can have him in 3D in your house. And by the way, I didn't say this, but please give my love to Marla. I will. Who has gotten better looking with marriage. That's good. That's good. That's a good sign, because it can go the other way also. You know what I love best about Marla? You know what I love about Marla? Tell me. This is not lewd. No accent. Because, I love... you know that can make you bonkers after a while. That... Especially when they're asking for money. That's it. Where is my money, The Donald? You know, whenever I do hear that accent, I do laugh. You know what it was? When, when Donald was on the ski slopes and he first met Ivana, that was downright attractive. It was cute. It was different. He brought her home to the family. Ooh, she's so European, what a novelty. And then all of a sudden ,a couple of years later, it becomes where is my money. The Donald. Where is my money. It's not so cute anymore. Well, you understand life. Oh, I know it. I know it. And let me tell you something, I would love to know the volumes you took up with your new pre-nup. I mean, this a smart man. It's very long. It's very complex. The transcript is longer than the Watergate hearing. Well it's complex. Hopefully, not too complex. Well, I'll tell you something. That Ivana changed with marriage, and that's why Donald is not at fault and that's why Donald is not at fault with that divorce. I've always said it. Very rarely do you say that. Yup, I rarely say that. I usually blame the man. But... Well, the world was against me and said what a horrible guy I was, Howard was right out there. In fact that, I did that crazy program we you had me with everybody. You're damn right. That was one of the wild... You know, you go on live television, Robin. You're supposed to be a little bit nervous. This is the first time I've ever, like, done something totally, like, where I'm totally laughing so hard, you couldn't respond. I put you at ease. He hit me with every woman in the world. Is that right? I sure did. I was... women that I never even heard of before. Oh, yeah sure. And they all they all looked good. Well listen... They all looked good. You're a man that's been through a lot. I think a lot of guys can relate to what your situation was in marriage. No I think so. Wait a minute. How can you relate? I tell you how I relate, because... Are you saying everyone... Donald lives a different life... Because the very... Everyone. Let me tell you something Robin. He's rich. Some people are poor, some people are middle income. I'm not talking about the wealth. I'm talking about the marriage. And, and what this whole concept of what was cute when you first meet a girl usually becomes the one thing that irritates you most. One day ,the accent is cute, and the next day you're married to Dracula's sister. It works that way. And the guys know what I'm talking about. You know... One day you have a boner... Robin, the guy has an insight on life that's like scary. ...and the next day you're calling immigration. You know what I'm saying? Am I right? Am I right Mr. Trump? Ah, Howard, you're right, you're right. I agree. Donald Trump is doing something good. He is the grand marshal of the Nation's Parade. It is the closing ceremony of the four-year long program honoring the 50th anniversary of the end of World War II where all vets will be honored this Saturday. There will be a parade. Come out and honor the vets. And you know I would be there if I wasn't going to that indoor pool this weekend. Yes, but your shrapnel wound is acting up. Yes it is. But I served, so I have a right. But now actually, congratulations. It'll be good. It sounds like a lot of fun. You know, it's going to be a beautiful day. And they deserve it. They deserve it more than I do Howard, I can tell you that. I might rollerblade through the parade. But you know what, you should Robin. You're right there. Why don't you get the guy that you stood up. Get him. Bring him along. Let me tell you something Donald. Robin has been rollerblading and horseback riding. Been doing a very vigorous routine, and she's thinking of actually putting the horse on rollerblades, and rollerblading into the parade. Forget it Robin. The horses are too dangerous. I see too many... I have all my friends that are up in Bedford. They ride horses... Right They fall on their ass. They're all over the place. Yeah, I mean, you know, look at poor Christopher Reeve. They can... the horse has no... yeah, poor Christopher. The horse has no clue. By the way, I want to say something nice about Donald that nobody knows. When Christopher Reeve was injured on that horse, Donald went over to the hospital, he was one of the first people who went in there and donated a tremendous amount of medical equipment to Christopher Reeve's recovery. You know that for a fact? Oh, I do. How's that buddy? Well, that's pretty nice Howard. Well, that's your payback for giving me the back cover of my book. I'm thinking about that. Did that photographer ever try to hold you up for money. Not at all. Okay. You must put the fear of God in him. I put it in him. Okay, very good. Thank you Donald Trump and good luck... You have a good time Howard. Good luck with the book, and Robin, let me know how you like the guy. Alright. I'm really curious. And congratulations on being the grand marshal of the Nation's Parade. Thank you Howard. And I'll see you soon. Say hello to the family. I certainly will. Alright, goodbye.