Thank you, Arlene. Laura and I are delighted to be here, with all the major leaguers. [Laughter] Tonight I've decided to do something a little different. See, my mother, over the years, has put together at least 70 scrap books about our life as a family. What I've done is pulled out some of the actual, never-before-seen photos, from these scrapbooks and created a little slide show. [Laughter] And so, Gordon, if everybody's cell phones are turned off -- [Laughter] -- you can hit the lights.

  Tonight I present a Bush family album. What you may not realize is that I grew up at a time in Texas history when it was still a rough and tumble frontier. [Laughter] We were ranchers back then. [Laughter] This was my favorite horse. He was sure-footed, steady. I trusted that horse totally. And here's the really weird part, his name was Dick Cheney. [Laughter] But times were hard back then. [Laughter, Applause] This of course was during the great drought of 1953. [Laughter] Dad, Neil, Doro, Marvin and Jeb.

  In my family, with all those kids in the tub, it's not arsenic in the water I'd be worried about. [Laughter, Applause] Personally, I've always preferred a private bath. [Laughter] This is my actual first grade report card. Up top, it says, George W. Bush. And then notice the final grades on the right. Writing, A; Reading, A; Spelling, A; Arithmetic, A; Music, A; Art, A. So my advice is, don't peak too early. [Laughter, Applause] Here I am with my 5th grade science project. [Laughter] Built it myself.

  And it's still meeting our energy needs. [Laughter] I went on to college, and graduate school. But somehow, the press has gotten the wrong idea, that I was a smart aleck party guy. [Laughter] This is an unfair perception. See, in college, I actually did a lot of independent reading. [Laughter] After graduation, I joined the Texas Air National Guard.

  I'm the one who committed the state of Texas to defend Taiwan from attack. [Laughter, Applause] Speaking of pilots, I'm so proud and honored to welcome to our nation's capital, Lieutenant Shane Osborn and crew member Lieutenant j.g. John Comerford. [Applause] I hope you and your crew will be coming to the White House soon.

  I think you'll like it there. [Laughter] I know I've said this to you personally on the phone, but I'm proud to say it publicly, welcome back, Lieutenant. [Applause] Some people wondered, and I'm sure there might have been a few out here, how I would handle the recent incident in China. Truth is, I have long been a serious student of the Orient. [Laughter] My mom and dad, of course, were in China when dad was the U.S. liaison there.

  People have asked me, is it difficult trying to follow in the footsteps of a man who was President, Vice President, U.N. Ambassador, a man who held so many other important jobs? Is it hard being such a man's son? Not really. [Laughter] Most people don't realize it, but dad has had some tough times. [Laughter] Back in the '50s, he went through a period where he thought aliens were trying to contact him. [Laughter] So he built this contraption to receive their signals. [Laughter] As for my mom, after bearing six children, she herself became a bit stressed. [Laughter] She took to acting very strangely. [Laughter] For a while, she thought she was too tall, and walked like this. [Laughter] As if that weren't strange enough, next she wrote a book with that damn, mangy ill-tempered dog. [Laughter] I hated that dog. [Laughter] My mother treated the dog better than she treated me. [Laughter] She never helped me write my book. [Laughter] I will say this, however, my mom always stuck up for us kids.

  Here's mom replying to a reporter's question about something Barbara Streisand said recently. [Laughter] Fortunately, I've got great brothers and a great sister. Some people have asked me, however, if the vote recount left any hard feelings between my brother Jeb and me. Not a bit. In fact, here's a picture of the Governor of Florida. [Laughter, Applause] All this brings me to a serious point.

  Eventually, I met a woman named Laura Welch. [Applause] She changed my life. She has given me as an adult, what I enjoyed as a child, and that is a loving family. The defining moments in the Bush family are not when my father was elected President, or when I was elected President. The defining moments have been family moments.

  Ladies and gentlemen, I've been blessed with a family that is full of love, and I pray the same for you. Good evening. [Applause]